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1.
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I intend to live forever, or die trying.
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2.
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It Could Be that the Purpose of Your Life is Only to Serve as a Warning to Others.
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3.
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Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.
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4.
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For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
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5.
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All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
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6.
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I'm leaving now to go find myself. If I should return before I get back, please ask me to wait.
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7.
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You know it's going to be a bad day when you jump out of bed and miss the floor.
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8.
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The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form
of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they are okay, then it's you.
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9.
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I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
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10.
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Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their
lives.
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11.
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I once thought that I had made a mistake, but I was mistaken.
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12.
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To save money on electricity, we've turned off the light at the end of the tunnel.
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13.
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Do not believe in miracles - rely on them.
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14.
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Hell is paved with good samaritans.
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15.
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If you drive a car I'll tax the street, If you try to sit I'll tax your seat, If you get too
cold I'll tax the heat, If you take a walk I'll tax your feet
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16.
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If I traveled to the end of the rainbow As Dame Fortune did intend, Murphy would be there to
tell me The pot's at the other end.
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17.
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The universe is a waste of space.
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18.
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"Put your hand down! I'm trying to teach!" -- Mrs. O'Brien, Geometry teacher.
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19.
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To err is human, to forgive is not Company Policy.
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20.
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This was only a test; if this had been a real emergency, you'd be dead.
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