|
|
|
141.
|
note to self: make sure cat is not sleeping in the bass drum before you start playing it
|
|
142.
|
If you didn't have to work so hard, you'd have more time to be depressed.
|
|
143.
|
Billy: Mom, you know that vase you said was handed down from generation to generation? Mom:
Yes? Billy: Well, this generation dropped it.
|
|
144.
|
My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad; but New York City?
|
|
145.
|
We totally deny the allegations, and we're trying to identify the allegators.
|
|
146.
|
You will be fired for abusing your lighthouse-keeper position when passing ship captains grow
weary of your sky-spanning vacation slides.
|
|
147.
|
You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could
do while you're down there.
|
|
148.
|
How to get out of a speeding ticket: Always carry a cooler with a big red cross on it -
'Officer, I MUST get to the hospital'
|
|
149.
|
You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him go off the high dive.
|
|
150.
|
We'll try to cooperate fully with the IRS, because, as citizens, we feel a strong patriotic
duty not to go to jail. -- Dave Barry
|
|
151.
|
Lucas: "Powerful are my lawyers. If smart you are, mess around you will not with my
trademarks."
|
|
152.
|
When they broke open molecules, they found they were only stuffed with atoms. But when they
broke open atoms, they found them stuffed with explosions.
|
|
153.
|
Love makes the world go 'round, with a little help from intrinsic angular momentum.
|
|
154.
|
On a scale of 1 to 10 I'd say... oh, somewhere in there.
|
|
155.
|
No shoes, No shirt, No service.. So do I have to wear pants?
|
|
156.
|
Some day my ship will come in, and with my luck I'll be at the airport.
|
|
157.
|
Someone will try to honk your nose today.
|
|
158.
|
"The pyramid is opening!" "Which one?" "The one with the ever-widening hole in it!"
|
|
159.
|
If you had any brains, you'd be dangerous.
|
|
160.
|
Some guy knocked on my apartment door this morning and said he was from pest control, so I
handed him my cat and went back to sleep.
|
|
|
funny headlines
