funny quotes (page 12)

221.

"So with a wave of my hand we'll neglect the derivations, but it's on page 463 for those of you who need sleep aid."

222.

The meat is rotten, but the booze is holding out. Computer translation of "The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak."

223.

Sometimes, whenever I eat M&Ms, I like to hold two m&m's in between my fingers and squeeze as hard as I can until one m&m cracks. I eat the cracked one, and the one that didn't crack becomes the champion. Then I grab the other m&m, and force it to compete with the champion in this deadly game of m&m gladiators. I do this until I run out of m&m's, and when there is only one m&m left standing, I send a letter to m&m's brand with the champion m&m in it with a note attached that reads: "Please use this m&m for breeding purposes."

224.

A bicycle can't stand alone because it is two-tired.

225.

What's the definition of a will? It's a dead giveaway.

226.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

227.

A backward poet writes inverse.

228.

In democracy it's your vote that counts; In feudalism it's your count that votes.

229.

She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off.

230.

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

231.

If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed.

232.

With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

233.

Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat minor.

234.

Now I lay me back to sleep. The speaker's dull; the subject's deep. If he should stop before I wake, Give me a nudge for goodness' sake.